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I have been pretending to understand my wife speaking French

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My wife and I have been happily married for nearly 10 years and we have two beautiful children. I love my Parisian wife for all the wonderful things she brings to our marriage: her creative flair and of course her French language. As my wife has spoken in French to them since they were born, our children both understand a great deal of her native language and so do I. Or at least that’s what I let on to my wife and family. For years now I have nodded along with her as she waxes lyrical about her day in the ‘language of love’ or maybe tells me about our children’s swimming lessons- I simply couldn’t tell you. Now, this wouldn’t normally cause an issue in our marriage (I can ignore my wife’s instructions as well as the next man!) but recently I’ve found myself agreeing to things I wouldn’t never have signed up for had I understood what she was saying. It is getting to such a point that I’m worried about the consequences of my shameful secret. Last week, I agreed to a foursome with our good friends. She was only joking, it turned out, but I had no idea and just went along with it with the sort of gusto that must have made me sound like some .  What if I accidentally agree to try pegging or we agree on a safe word during our sexy time that I have no hope of pronouncing let alone remembering.  I know this might sound daft but I’m at my wits end with worry. What if she finds out and thinks so little of me that she leaves me for someone who actually speaks French. A Frenchman perhaps?  Please help me. I just don’t know what to do.  

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Mate that’s tough. I’d say just go with it. Keep doing what ya doing. Nothing good ever comes from telling your wife EVERYTHING. Trust me fam. Keep her in the dark and keep nodding along with her. Yeah, you’re gonna cop a few naggings and maybe a cheeky peg, but you’re less of a man if you own up. She won’t respect you for it, even when she’s hanging out the back of ya. 

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NO. Tell her how you feel. But in French.  This might take a while so you'll have to keep up the charade for another few years or so but trust me mate she ABSOLUTELY love it.  In the mean time, keep making her angry. HEar me out. The more she's upset with you the less she'll speak to ya so you won't need to pretend to understand what she's saying.  

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If she speaks french and you do not how did you get together and get married in the first place? Seems very odd to me. If I had been advising you before I would have said don't get married if you cannot talk to each other or understand each other. Lots of men are bad at communication but to women it can be very important so they get angry if you don't say much or you don't listen, eventually it leads to divorce of her finding a better man she sneaks around with.

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OK, well this is highly unusual and I am surprised she hasn´t spotted your hidden secret before now.

Given the recent issues, I am wondering if she has already sussed you out and was testing your language skills.

I think it is time to come clean, and explain that your grasp of French isn´t what you have been pretending it is and apologise.

You could also ask her to help you with improving your French and who knows, it may make your relationship stronger.

Alternatively, you could have French language lessons privately and hope that your secret is never uncovered!

Good Luck 

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