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I'm fifty years old. I've overcome shyness and social anxiety, and thanks to thousands of pounds of private therapy, I overcame self-harming too. My sister is sixty-eight and my brother is sixty-four. My brother has severe mental health issues and is on benefits, and my sister is my mother's carer. Neither have worked for decades. My father died in 2012, and my mother is ninety and has recently been diagnosed with dementia. My sister lives at home, she never moved out, and my brother has his own flat and has recently moved back in following Mom's dementia diagnosis. I never learned how to cook or iron or do DIY, my siblings do all that and just take over. I recently hammered the back of a cupboard back on when it fell off, but I had a fight on my hands to get access to the hammer. I make sandwiches and tea and wash up, and that's about it.

Growing up was like growing up with two sets of over-protective parents, it had a profound affect on my confidence. My brother in particular watched every move I made, every single day, criticising every facial expression, my clothes, etc. I'm scared to eat in front of him because he watched every move of my mouth, criticises me for using the letter S (!), and on my birthday apparently I scratched my nose too loudly. When he's around, I can't think, talk, move or breathe.

I'm lucky enough to have good social life, but if I stay out past a certain time, I still get calls from my sister asking me to hurry up home.

Through private therapy, I managed to get the confidence to move out. I've even got my own flat lined up, and it's all going through the process of being bought (solicitors, etc.)

Unfortunately, I feel guilty about moving out. My brother consistently makes comments about my weight, how I walk, how I eat, tries to dictate what shoes I wear, that I wash up incorrectly, etc., and my sister says I get to go out and have a break more than her and my brother, making me feel guilty about the social life I've built up. My Mom talks incessantly thinking dead people are still alive, confusing my brother and sister, but strangely not me, for different people she's known, forgetting where she lives and constantly asking people if they want something to eat, and occasionally being angry and violent which drives us all insane and obviously makes us grieve for our lost mother as well. (Being ninety and unsteady on her feet means Mom can't be that violent, but it's still scary.)

I took unpaid leave from work in October to sort out all my junk at home but ended up not doing it partly because I was getting used to a new normal with Mom and wanted to be there with her and my siblings for every single home visit for a medical appointment, but even when I go upstairs I get told to come down and have it fed back to me by my sister that I'm always upstairs, even after she's said that two of us always need to be with Mom, but just in the house not the same room. How can I move out if I can't even sort my stuff out?

Why would I want to move out and miss my final 'good' moments with Mom? Why should I stay here and put up with my brother's behaviour? Why should I let my brother's behaviour drive me away from Mom? I don't know what to do, and I feel stuck, and my self-harming has returned, mere weeks after it was 'cured'.