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Hi all! May I vent and find out if anyone else has experienced what I have?

I have been utterly stupid. I was with my now ex partner for 7 years.

Ordinarily I’d consider myself fairly intelligent, I’ve a good job and have my shit together. So why have I messed up so so badly here?!

Ive tolerated and forgiven countless occasions of other women being messaged. Comments made toward other women on social media, my gut feeling when I know I’m being lied to! Emotional abuse!

Well the latest is that in 2021 he left as I’d seen comments (sexual) towards a woman on Twitter for all to see, including his daughter!! Apparently it was my fault and he “hated” that I would check up on him.

Over the past 2 years, we’ve tried. He’s come off certain social media platforms. He’s addressed his alcohol issues. It’s been tough. However I thought despite it all a corner was being turned.

He's made me feel I’m the issue; I’m always checking up on him, I’m a stalker, I’m controlling. You know how it goes! Yes I should have walked away, a very long time ago!

I’ve felt very uncomfortable about his living arrangements in this period. But he’s very good at lip service, and his stories were excellent! Very believable! It never added up in my mind though.

He’s been helping his ex financially as she’s been struggling since their kids turned adults and the benefits stopped. They separated 8 years ago.

She works the absolute bare minimum, but nonetheless I tried to be understanding.

He’d been staying at my house 5 nights per week and I’ve been buying his food and helping him meet his credit card commitments. Yeah I’m that stupid!

The aim was always him moving back.

Recently I spotted that he had changed his screen saver from us to something different. Off my alarm bells go! He says it’s because he doesn’t want a colleague asking questions. Didn’t believe that for a second.

Anyway that set me off and I discovered that he’s not been staying with the person he says he was, and hasn’t since 2021! He told me he’d been giving her a few hundred quid when the truth is he never gave her a penny.

So I can only conclude he’s living back at his exes and giving her significantly more money than he cares to admit.

How does anyone keep up the pretence for that long?

I know I’m done this time. All I feel is anger, no upset, which I used to feel rather bizarrely. I feel excited for the future, I feel happier!

Anyone else experienced this? My mum called it Walter Mitty land! I’ve never heard of that before!

It utterly baffles me how people can do this to others that have just so much for them.

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If you have broken up with an ex and are still talking about them that sends off alarm bells with me. Why are they still so important to you that you keep rethinking about it and talking about it here or wherever? If they are ex that should mean past history, not still in your mind and thoughts. Maybe they dumped you and you wish you were still with them? A lot of people are in that boat and they bad mouth their ex and find fault at every turn because they are angry he won't take them back. But if you ended it or it ended because one of you moved or something which was in your control but which proved you were not as close and keen as you thought just move on. Be busy, fill your life, do other things, see friends, and stop thinking about it, it's pointless and a waste of time.

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I got sick and tired of my friends ringing me up about their ex or partner , moaning about all the terrible things he did or how he neglected them or whatever, because they always went back for more and more of the same. Sometimes the guy would promise them the moon - after years of abusing them or neglecting them - and hey guess what, once again they stayed, only to phone me moaning about him two months later. They never learn and never have any self respect. It's also not nice to have friends who only want you when they need a shoulder to cry on.