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I feel very sorry for you but you are still there. Are you not ignoring your own advice? You say you have wasted years on this man but you continue to do that. Perhaps this is the answer, instead of advising others advise yourself. Be an example. Be stronger. Act instead  of advising.

My sister did what you did. She was with a man and found out he had a mistress, in the end she found out he had a child with the mistress and he lived with her half the time going back and forth.  My sister kept making excuses to stay, she would say she cannot leave because it is Christmas time and it will upset the kids, then it was impossible because someone was ill or there was a holiday due, this went on for years. You are only conning  yourselves when you stay and make do with the wrong guy. 

I learnt years ago that you should never give the financial reasonings to your guy. If he earns all of the money and is in charge of it you become a prisoner of your own making. Find some way to have a reasonable job with a reasonable income from it so that if things get awful you can leave no matter what, at least financially, somehow if you are reliant on the man for money he uses this over you and can control you and respects you less.  Look at this from his point of view for a moment. How would you feel if you were working hard and paying the bills for a woman you do not love or who does not trust and love you?

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This is what I do not understand. Women complain about their guys a lot, but stay with them. If you do what I do and make sure you always have a job and work hard and save up - not money that you put in towards household bills or with his money in a joint account, then you have a lot more options. I've got a friend who is forever going on about her "horrible husband" yet she is happy to sit and watch television all day while he is working  hard ten hours a day, she would rather sit around being lazy than make things different because that would mean her making an effort and doing something other than lazing around. The result is this, a rubbish life.

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Nobody can tell you whether to end a marriage other than you. Both people may see it different. One may see it as a lucky escape to leave and the other may be happy to tolerate whatever or miss them a lot and want them back. My wife decided to end our marriage years ago, she did, now I am alone and sad. She is much happier. Most marriages end because the woman decides it ends, not the man. Many men would carry on no matter what -  goodness knows what the point of that is!

When you look back two years later then you will know if it was the right decision. You could regret splitting because you are alone, but a year later meet a special someone who lightens up your life forever, perhaps your twin flame or whatever they call them, someone you would never have met if you stayed in the dull or boring marriage instead. It could be that you would thank your ex partner then, be grateful they forced a split on you. Because otherwise you would be less happy with them.

You can only weigh up things as they happen. And if you dont go out there and make things happen you never meet anyone, you could regret a marriage ending simply because you sat around alone after, that does not mean that you would not have been happy if you had dated and fallen in love.

What would you miss about your ex? Would it be their laughter, tears, brains, cooking or whatever? Can you duplicate this or better it elsewhere?

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It was best for me, I h ad caught her cheating in our bed with one of my friends. No way would I be able to forgive that and stay with someone who can do that to me.

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Why are you still there this man has made your life and reading between the lines your childrens lives misserable for far to long. You say he got you were he wanted you but you should of said this is no life for me and though difficult with young children got out and started a fresh with your children.

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It would appear that you know all about were your life went wrong but are unable to follow your own advise and not waste years on a man that clearly only wants you there to be his sckivey. Its not for others to say wether you should leave and get a divorce you know you should but still havent.

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Plenty of women stay with a guy just because he pays the bills and then they don't have to work or can get away with only doing a few hours here and there.  You cannot have it both ways.  Either way there is good and bad. I feel sorry for your hubby, you are using him and abusing him, he deserves someone who loves him and treats him better, considering he is the breadwinner.

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So you stay? Your choice. We all have to make choices throughout life and we have to live with whatever goes with them. Your choice is to be with him and tell everyone you regret it.  Do you realise how silly that sounds? If you painted your bedroom pink and then regretted it and wished it was yellow what would you do? Would you waste a lot of time on telling a lot of amateur agony aunts that you wish it had been different or would you buy some yellow paint and change it? You know very well what I am saying. You get something out of being with him that makes it worth it to stay, so make the most of it then.