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Hiya, yes I know sort of this type of feeling, rises up from my stomach into my throat when I remember how upset I was about his actions towards me. Wish I could turn off these feelings and not miss him at all as he does not deserve any of it at all, think the term you said - scum bag - is him. Nothing good about him at all, yet I miss him.

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You both need to pull your socks up and get smart. If a guy is that terrible you forget him, you don't keep thinking about him and asking yourself who he is with and what he is doing and all that stuff, not worth the bother, just getting you upset again, find another guy, even if he is ordinary and nothing exciting, it is still better than this guy. For your own sanity and peace you must be more discerning in the future. There are millions of guys out there, why waste a breath on one of the bad ones? You must love yourself enough to be harsh about your guy, if he has faults see them, if he deserves it criticise him. If he hurts you recognise he can hurt you again.

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I know it’s an emotion that is understandable but I am so angry. It takes a lot to make me angry.

He has broken up with me before now but the first times I was upset and we talked and tried to make it work - he told me then that he was so so sorry for hurting me and worrying me and I wanted to believe him. Although I told him he could walk away at that point and be honest with me. Just so long as he told me the truth. I thought he was telling me the truth. He didn’t. The last couple of weeks he’s been distant and avoidant of me, basically friendzoned me (still had sex with me if I initiated it though didn’t he) so I asked him if he was losing feelings for me and to be honest with me. Again I put him on the spot and asked for sincerity. Since that last chat where I asked him he said he did love me and want to be with me but then we were not really able to talk much more and we carried on doing things together, I’ve seen him a number of times and he hasn’t said anything else and was making effort. For a while all seemed heaven and goodness.

A few months ago he decides now is the time to admit feelings aren’t there, and I feel so bloody stupid and strung along. I went out multiple places with him since our last talk, bought clothes for our holiday and he didn’t say anything. It would have been decent to tell me then, to be sincere, to share those feelings with me, so I knew there would be no holiday with him. It’s my birthday soon and our holiday was due in a few weeks and now he is still going and I am just getting the money back. I don’t have anyone else to holiday with at short notice so just sad old me on my own for a week while he is going on our lovely holiday. I feel too sad to go on holiday now and feel so defeated. Maybe his idea of love is different to mine. Maybe this is the problem. Maybe he loves me like a sister or a good friend.

I’m so mad at him, I feel like the honest kind person I thought he was isn’t real. The person I thought I was seeing and spending time planning a future with seemed so nice. This person is so dishonest.  I gave him so many chances to have a proper sit down chat and discuss our feelings and I would have respected his decision if he didn’t decide to go and ‘think’ about it without even telling me he was having more doubts and sharing nothing with me until I was actually being dumped. I fully understand everyone’s right to change their mind and leave a relationship but what I am angry about is just dallying around burying his head in the sand avoiding talking to me about ANYTHING when he knew I was feeling anxious as there had been a sense of change in him and I kept asking and getting the answer I do love you. 

I told him to leave as I couldn’t stand seeing him so pitiful feeling sorry for himself, and he’s gone. He wanted ME to make him feel better about His decision instead of just owning up to it too. Guilt was getting him. But what I feel is far worse than the guilt he feels.  Right now I could set fire to him and watch him burn in hell.

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Some unnecessarily harsh comments here, OP. Give yourself grace. It is so easy to find fault with a woman who fell in love and got hurt. Oh my. Why blame her? 

you’re better than someone keeping you on the back burner. Everyone is.  You’re better than someone who can change their mind about you or keep you guessing. Someone who only thinks of their own needs.  And I’m willing to bet that your next partner or even casual lover  will have better listening skills than the man you describe. The next one might even like you as a person. Or love you! Imagine that.

be mad. Then be better and never sleep with him again. This must be a deal  breaker. If you sleep with a guy who you know is unreliable and callous you are going down the road to hell.  You’ll get through x

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Hi ladies I am sorry you are hurting.  I wonder if some of this is brought on by lack of realising that some people are nice and others are not? You say things like I met his family as though this somehow proves he is a nice and honourable honest guy? I honestly do not see how meeting his family makes any difference. He could be a horrible man and still be in a nice family. They have no idea of what he is like with a woman or how honest he is in his love affairs.  You say things like my family met him and said he is fine. How an they possibly know this just by meeting him?

This reminds me of something that happened with me years ago. I had been dating a guy for about six years and seen a lot of him. Some smart arse guy I knew, who could not get a job and was not at all smart about anything, he lived with his mum and dad in their spare room for pete's sake!  Said to me that he will bump into my guy and say hello and he will work out for me if I can trust my guy or not.  The day after I was due to meet my guy.  Smart arse guy comes over for a coffee shortly before. My guy comes in and smart arse guy goes out through front door and says hi X as he passes him. They both said hi to each other and life went on.  The day after smart arse guys informs me that he gives my guy the thumbs up and he is totally trustworthy and right for me. And all this because he passed him in the porch and said him and my guy smiled and said hi back. How ridiculous.  What really got me about this scenario is that I had known my guy for six years seeing him for long periods of time constantly, yet smart arse thought he could work him out smarter than me in two minutes or less.  Like he is some sort of human radar and I am some sort of fool who had been taken in and used for six years without realising it.  That would make me the dumbest woman in the world.

Stop looking out for green lights all the time. Don't pretend that saying hi to someone is some sort of green light, proof all is well. Don't pretend that a guy who talks about marrying you or buys you a ring or chats to someone you know has proved himself. Lots of guys do these things because they are convenient at the time or change their mind later.

As for the girls who keep asking him to reveal his feelings and talk. Guys are not like that. They hate it. And they have enough sense to know that if they were to admit the truth to you and say they are losing interest you would be on at them and start finding fault and arguing. So it is easier for them to lie.  Some of them get sick and tired of you asking them if they love you or if their feelings are the same. That in itself puts a lot of guys off because it makes you come across as insecure and a lot of men hate being with insecure women! 

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I missed my ex for a bit, just a few weeks, he was lucky it was that long. He used to fart all the time, awful disgusting farts, sometimes twenty in an evening. They would wake me up in the middle of the night or come out when we were walking around the supermarket or got friends there chatting quietly, it was gross and very ashamed when it happened and others had to tolerate it. He picked his nose, picked his ears, had hairs growing out of his nose, the lot. Best thing I ever did was to get rid. He rang me a few days ago nagging me to take him back, I said hell would freeze over first.