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20/07/2023 5:02 pm
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Please let me fill you in. My boyfriend and me have been together for about five years. We have had good times and bad times, mostly good ones. We are not madly in love or super compatible but we are comfortable and we are both elderly - both in our seventies, so it would be hard for us to move on to someone else or cope alone, as both of us have illnesses and are not solitary creatures. We are no great prize for someone new to come along and it is hard to get to know someone knew at our age. You may find it is easier to understand when you are same age group.
Boyfriend wants us to get married and be together due to our age, illnesses, not wanting to change or be alone. I find it all rather non romantic and stale, as if we are giving up. Accepting defeat and death. I prefer the idea that one of us might change our mind and go off one day - if it suited us - if we met someone else and we felt it was best to - rather than it all being dictated by a piece of paper. I want to know he is with me because he is glad he is with me not because he made promises in a church or registry office. That sounds like final and more hopeful to me. It also means both of us can be glad the other is still trying and not expecting each other to be there because of promises. People can get lazy and take the other for granted then. Women can stop dressing up and wearing make up and men can stop doing those little things like flowers. Am I wrong to want to be just like this with him? Refusing marriage?
Topic starter
22/07/2023 10:52 am
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Sounds ok to me. Up to you want you want my love. People may judge you and say you are selfish but you can be when it is about your happiness and future. He would be selfish if he tried to look past what you want and only see what he wants. It's not as if you are trying to get him to do what suits you at his expense, lots of couples split up over a lot less than this.
24/07/2023 7:48 am
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Lots of couples do spit up, yes thank you. You are shedding more light on this. I was in a couple with a guy a long time ago where we split up because we liked different meals out at restaurants and these things are a lot bigger. Some split up over silly things, maybe just an excuse anyway, others make it to a year or so later and then it all goes wrong, sometimes we turn a blind eye to things or put up with things and then it goes wrong later. But the bad thing was there all the time, we just failed to see it or act on it.
When unsure don't do it. Wait and maybe you sure later. All the time you unsure you leave it and say no. No pressure. No long explanations and justifications and the like.
31/07/2023 10:39 am
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When unsure do not do more than you have to. If the choice is dating the person or marrying them you only date them, you may even date them just casually, or just now and then, or once with no promise of doing it again, depending on how you feel and the situation! Never let the other person decide what you will do just because it suits them - not only would it ruin your life for at least a while but it means they are control freaks and very entitled and selfish - a great reason to get rid of them.
12/08/2023 8:15 am
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If unsure about any big thing then do not do it. Wait, give it time, see how things go, find out more, open your eyes and see them for what they really are and see how you really feel about marriage before you make any decision to do that. If they try to pressure you or nag you into it then get rid. Nobody who cares about you would do that.
16/08/2023 1:15 pm
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I don't think it matters what age you are you should only be getting married if you really love and care for each other. tying yourselves together for the sake of a pice of paper is not right make acommitment if you really love him if not remain were you are.
25/08/2023 11:23 am
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If you keep asking yourself if it's a good idea then it can't be a good idea. You would know if it is and would not question it so much. If he is insisting you marry him that tells you he is only thinking about his own happiness and well being, not thinking of what is best for you. Is he scared of losing you? If he is insisting on marriage because he is scared to lose you then he is a selfish piece of trash. He is either struggling with very low self esteem and needs therapy to address it - not you being tied to him like an object with no feelings or he needs to get able to see that he has to work hard at keeping you interested rather than expecting you to stay even if you have gone off of him. A piece of paper won't change this anyway. You could get married and have a big honeymoon and still end up splitting up. The one has nothing to do with the other.
14/09/2023 8:48 am
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The fact that you keep asking your self is this a good idea should actual tell you that it isn't the way ahead, why don't you just stay friends that help and support each other as you have been doing if it aint broke don't try to fix it
28/10/2023 10:53 am
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I would stay with the two of you dating you mention that you might meet someone else of course you might but clearly you are thinking there might be someone else out there that I would be better of with. Getting married would be a farse as you would be doing it for all the wrong reasons
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