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Hi, I am a 41 yr old male who six months ago walked out on a three year relationship with a 31 yr old female.
I am still in love with her as I was when I left. I wasn’t able to face my emotions, show vulnerability and be completely intimate because of a deep seated fear of rejection. This has come from my abandonment in childhood. I left very suddenly and it floored her, she was devastated around the breakup, as was I, although I did feel we needed some space/time apart at the time.
We kept in touch following the breakup as we both agreed that it felt like we were losing an incredible friendship. It has been tough for both of us. Not seeing/speaking/contacting each other.
She recently messaged my mum around Mother’s Day, which I took as an olive branch to potentially get back together. But when I messaged her our conversation was extremely cold and she didn’t feel it was a good idea for us to meet up. I didn’t enquire as to the reason why. She’d messaged my mum without a second thought.
I wished her well and her last message was that she wouldn’t contact my family/me again.
I feel devastated by the situation, I don’t want her to loose contact with our family or me. I’d love us to give it another try but I fear that any action now is too much for her emotionally and will ruin any chances for us in the future.
I can give this all the time it needs as I’m not interested in dating other people. However I am not getting any younger and would love a family.
Thanks for reading this far and any advice would be appreciated.
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This sounds like a very upsetting and confusing time for you - I'm sorry. Have you thought about seeking therapy to address these deep seated problems you are experiencing? Working through them with a professional may give you a deeper understanding of how you feel, provide you with some coping techniques and a safe environment to work through these very personal issues.
Regarding your ex - sometimes we have to take people's actions on face value. Do you think you really truly love her? Or is it the thought that time is ticking by and you want a family? I'm not sure anyone would want to be chosen to have a meaningful relationship with and/or a family with because you think time is running out and they 'will do'. So I think it is important to reflect on your motivation.
We all have a different path in life and plenty of people have children later in life these days. Try and take the pressure off yourself and find some things that bring you joy - invest in yourself.
Good luck with everything.
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